Location: New York, New York
Forum Screen Name: Parchita
GN: Congratulations on being Gay Nerd of the Month!
Parchita: And I thought it would never actually happen. 🙂
GN: Any message for the people that voted for you?
Parchita: Well, thank you to everyone who voted for me for all those consecutive months where I kept coming in 2nd place. And screw you to the person who tipped me over into the majority. I kinda liked the idea of always being the runner-up.
GN: So, James, give the readers a quick summary of what you’re up to these days.
Parchita: Well, I’m living the dream, having fulfilled my fondest desire since the age of 5 by moving to New York City. I’m working the very glamorous job of foodslinging at a greasy little diner. I’m living with 3 (annoying) gay guys in a rather nice apartment, and I’m finally going through my slut phase and dating about, I dunno, 11 people right now. That may be an exaggeration, I’m honestly not sure. I kind of lost track.
Parchita: I’m actually chatting with one of them right now while we’re doing this interview. So if the conversation suddenly turns dirty… I crossed paths. Sorry in advance.
GN: Sounds like a sitcom. Actually scratch that, sounds like Sex in the City and you’re Samantha.
Parchita: That’s a fair assessment, I suppose. Especially considering that I’m the old one.
GN: Haha, age is in the mind as long as you have good skin.
GN: What do you do with your free time?
Parchita: I’m a pretty voracious reader. My Kindle’s been pretty beat up as of late. I like to buy video games (and systems) and play them for very brief periods of time before I give up on them. I’m also an avid collector and fan of board games. Clue, especially.
Parchita: Another thing that I like to do, although it’s been a while, is I’ll make my own board games.
GN: Oh really?
Parchita: I’m planning on doing another one soon, I’m just not sure yet what the theme is going to be.
GN: You made that Glee Clue thread a while ago
Parchita: True. Also one for Lost.
GN: Any idea on the game?
Parchita: I like making Clue games, so I might make another edition of Clue… but I’ve been batting around an idea in my head for a while of an original concept game.
Parchita: I might do that. It’s based on my life, actually, where players are waiting tables to try to make good tips.
GN: Kinda like a board game Diner Dash?
Parchita: In a way.
Parchita: Hopefully it’ll have all of the addicting qualities of Diner Dash but be, you know, actually fun to play.
Parchita: I calls it like I sees it.
GN: So you’ve been writing for Gay-Nerds for a while. How did you start contributing at GN?
GN: I don’t know what you’re talking about. *shifty eyes*
Parchita: No, um, I joined GN and wasn’t there for long before I was featured in the Growing Up Gay column series. That gave me a taste of seeing my words on the front page. I actually befriended Sweetdee and picked her brain about how to join the ranks.
Parchita: From there, I submitted a sample article and the rest, as they say, is history.
GN: Hahaha, well, that works and GN is all the better for your submissions
Parchita: I suppose that my first real breakout article was the Nerd Rage on Twilight.
Parchita: I still get shudders thinking about that.
Parchita: And thank you, sir, for that compliment. I suddenly feel that all of my life choices have been validated.
GN: C’mon, any book with a toothy C-section and blood fountain can’t all be bad
Parchita: I’ve read slash fanfiction that was less offensive than that particular book.
GN: Well, the writing is on par with slash fiction.
Parchita: No, that’s Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Twilight is worse.
GN: You totally just pissed off 2 groups of people. Excellent.
Parchita: Bring it.
Parchita: I am a homewrecker, after all.
Parchita: OH! OH! I forgot. I’m also a baker.
Parchita: Cupcakes are my speciality.
GN: Question time! What’s the nerdiest thing that you’ve done?
Parchita: You mean besides get interviewed for Gay Nerd of the Month at Gay-Nerds.com?
GN: Besides that
Parchita: Well, I do make my own board games. Themed after Lost and Glee, respectively.
GN: Haha, that’s good, but there has to be more. Plumb the depths of your nerdiness!
Parchita: I don’t know! I’m really only a faux-nerd! A sham!
GN: Did you cosplay?
GN: Are you secretly a furry?
GN: Do you have hentai on your computer??? The people deserve to know!
Parchita: No, but I’ve baked Lost-themed cakes for season finale parties. No, I’m not a furry unless we’re broadening the definition to include merely a hairy chest. And no, no hentai on my computer, although I sat and watched some once with a 50 year old woman at the Museum of Sex.
GN: …you’re going to have to explain that last one.
Parchita: Well, I was at the Museum of Sex with some of my friends, one of whom was a 50 year old woman. And we came across the video room, whereupon we stumbled across a bench in front of a hentai video. My friend, curious, sat to view it. Me, knowing what was coming, took a place next to her and simply watched her face the entire time.
Parchita: Needless to say, she walked away once the tentacles made their appearance.
GN: Ahhh tentacles, the common deal breaker…or deal maker.
Parchita: Speak for yourself.
GN: Well, you are seeing 11 guys so I guess that makes sense.
Parchita: About. It may be more or less. I’ve lost count.
GN: DICKS EVERYWHERE.
GN: I was going to ask what the gayest thing you’ve done but I think that answers that question.
Parchita: I did once make a costume inspired by Sephiroth and wear it to a Lady Gaga concert.
GN: I should revoke your contributor status
Parchita: I should revoke your continence status. I’ve done that before, you know.
GN: You did what to me?
Parchita: No, not you. I was dating a guy once who was cheating on me with 3 other people behind my back. He didn’t know that I found this out. So I got my revenge. He was a big fan of my cupcakes, you see. (As he should be, I almost opened up my own cupcake shop. Instead, I moved to NYC.) Well… I made him a very special batch of cupcakes and I fed them to him. And then I dumped him. And then he dumped himself. 🙂
Parchita: Yes, I use my powers of baking for evil.
GN: You’d be a good addition to the League of Evil Villains.
Parchita: And what would my name be?
GN: The Wicked Keebler? Just Desserts?
Parchita: …I’d like to be a Christopher Nolan quality Batman villain, not one from the old Adam West show, thank you very much.
Parchita: We should open it up to the forum members. Let them decide my Supervillain name.
GN: Haha alright. Sounds fair.
GN: RaNdOm QuEsTiOn TiEm!
GN: You’ve been given a one way magical ticket to anywhere. Where do you go?
Parchita: The 1960s, New York. Not only would I be there for the great music, but I could be a part of a political and social revolution.
Parchita: That, or Willy Wonka’s Candy Factory.
GN: This is how you become your own grandfather, yknow.
Parchita: I’m a part of a mobius loop.
Parchita: And I’d go to the Candy Factory because I want to sell my Everlasting Gobstopper to Slugworth. No question.
GN: You bastard! Mr. Wonka trusted you!
GN: Next question. Which would you rather have, a “disease” that made you orgasm every time you sneezed or something that made every fart smell like baked goods?
Parchita: …You’re taking these random questions from the personality matching questions on OKCupid, aren’t you?
Parchita: Orgasm sneezes. No question there. I’m a proper lady and I don’t do… that other thing.
GN: Hahaha, that works.
GN: Last question!
Parchita: That’s actually a secret that I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone.
Parchita: I refuse to say “fart.” I think it’s a stupid, gross word.
GN: So what word do you use?
Parchita: I’ve never admitted that.
Parchita: I don’t talk about it.
GN: It has to come up some time though.
Parchita: On those rare occasions where it must be mentioned… colicky.
GN: Well, alright then.
Parchita: That’s what they call it in babies.
Parchita: And I am nothing but an innocent babe.
GN: You’re in Florida on a cruise ship and you’re sipping a margarita on the deck. You hear people talking and they sound familiar. You turn around and holy shit, it’s the Golden Girls. You are having the time of your life.
GN: When all of the sudden, there’s an explosion! Half the ship is gone. You quickly run to a lifeboat but there’s only enough room for 2 people. You look into the water and see sharks. Who do you pick to go on the boat?
Parchita: Two people counting me or two of them plus me?
GN: Just room for two people
Parchita: I think you just broke my brain.
Parchita: I’m seriously stressing out over this right now.
Parchita: Are these the actual Golden Girls, or the actresses who play them?
GN: The actual Golden Girls. Time’s running out.
Parchita: None of them.
Parchita: We girls live and die together.
Parchita: I don’t want to live in a world where the 5 of us would have to be seperated. That’s not a life worth living.
GN: Thank you for being a friend?
Parchita: Traveled down the road and back again.
Parchita: Okay, I take back my previous answer.
Parchita: This is the gayest thing I’ve ever done.
GN: Hahaha, anyway, so thank you for the interview!
GN: Congratulations again on being GNotM!
Parchita: Thank you for interviewing me. Was it as good for you as it was for me?
GN: It’s in my top 10.
Parchita: That’s all a virginal farm boy can hope for.