Those of you who listen to GN’s weekly podcast know that one of my resolutions for the New Year is to go out on at least one date.  For the sake of clarity (and saving face), this goal is about motivating myself to give the whole dating thing another chance more than anything else.  I’m not really jaded so much as I am indifferent, and for some reason I seem to think that one day I’m just going to wake up married (to Batwoman) and that’ll be that.

Oh, but how the world of dating has changed since I was nine. No longer is it acceptable to slyly pass your prospective sweetie a note asking them if they like you.

You actually have to put some effort into it these days. Still, there are a variety of options – both online and off – but I don’t think I’m quite ready for the top tier sites like OkCupid (to say nothing of, you know, actually going outside). I don’t want cerulean hues and match percentages. If I’m going to follow through on this, I need to prepare myself for the dark side of dating. I need to dive head first into both the nitty and the gritty. I must march into the darkness, reach boldly into the the gom jabbar and defeat the mind-killer. I must browse the personal ads on Craigslist.

Sexz thick girl – 22 (-redacted-)

Im looking 4 a sexz girl maby text buddiez at 1st friendz im open 4 what everz im bi im girly you should be the same and between agez 22-29 !!! as you can tell by the pic im thickk 😉 ne wayz email me at kissezxxxATxxx.com not the craigslist email xoxo & send a pic

Wait. Wait. WAIT. I know this is the internet and everything, so ridiculous misspelling is the norm, but you can’t use Z as some kind of extreme(z) pseudo S AND phonetically in “sex-ze”. I could never love a woman who doesn’t understand this. But you aren’t looking for love, are you kissez? You’re looking for a bi girly to rub up on and maybe exchange text messages with. Friends with benefits is one thing, but being text buddies is taking things to a whole ‘nother level.

Not gonna lie, I don’t get out much – 21 (-redacted-)

…Go on.

So I work and hang out at home a lot which makes it pretty impossible to meet girls.. A little about me: I’ve got a part time job that sometimes becomes full time. I have a car but unfortunatlly am living at my parents for the time being. I’ve got two piercings (other than ears) and four tattoos. I don’t do the club scene because I have had enough drama and partying for a lifetime. I am pretty down to earth and am looking for a meaningful long term relationship. I love music and listen to all types but am usually pegged as a metal chick which I don’t mind. I am not skinny but not obese. I have a bit of a dry sense of humor at times though I love to make people laugh and I have a terrible caffiene addiction that just comes with my job. I like to spoil the girl I am with but will draw the line at supporting a girl who is just using me. I am quite fella girly but leaning more towards the fella part lately though it could change, it just depends on how I am feeling. Age and race make no difference to me so if I have peaked your intrest hit me back pic for pic.

We coulda been great together, random internet lesbian. I can ignore the typos (it happens to everyone), I can ignore the living at home with your parents (I live with my folks when I’m not at school), and I can ignore the pique/peak confusion (I have trouble with beckon/beacon myself). I can forgive a lot of things, but I can’t forgive usage (nay coinage!) of the term “fella girly.”  Androgynous, boyish, tomboyish, butch, and even the abhorrent futch are all acceptable choices, but fella girly? What is that I don’t even.

The impossible? i dont think! – 26 (Heaven)

Wait…what?  I’m getting a headache trying to decipher the title alone. Also, listing Heaven as your location means I hate you.

Hola, i got off work early today, and well ive trying to look for a girl that can be a friend as well as a gurlfriend. I am married and want to be very discreet about us. My husband will not be involved what so ever! i guess im tired of being the only girl and need some personal girl time… if this sounds like some your into then get at me. Im looking for females my age, i guess no older then 28. Ive been told i lam cute and im not a boney thing, lol, im a thick mami! =) so if you wanna email me go head, i have my yahoo chat up if you wanna chitty chat! im looking forward to you beautiful women!!!

Wow. Married and looking for a gurlfriend. Do lesbian personal adds get any worse? I don’t think!

My goodness, only three ads into it and I’m already looking for nearby convents.  Are the Vestal Virgins still around? Do they need new recruits?  I wonder what things are like for straight women.

Got your own personal ad horror stories? Share them in the forum.

Tags: craigslist, dating, fella girly?, Girl On the Internet, I must not fear, personal ads