Let’s be honest. It’s difficult to find that dateable and compatible 1% of that LGBT 10% of the percentage of the gender you like. So in these internet filled days, what else can one do to meet people?
That’s right, online dating sites.
These days, it has become more acceptable to find the one online. A statistical crap ton of people use online dating sites to meet new people but often enough, people just get lost. My inbox is filled with people asking how to meet other guys or people complaining about bad dates. So, I’m here to lay down some Dr. Gay Nerd logic and advice on you guys. Follow these tips if you want to increase the number of quality dates that you have.
This article is going to focus on how to get quality dates, not hookups. So if you’re Grindr-inclined, here are some quick tips:
- Don’t have misleading pictures.
- Have a witty one-liner.
- Don’t be an asshole.
- Have abs and a face.
- Wipe that bathroom mirror.
Now that that’s out of the way, here are my tips for those romantics digitally looking for that someone:
1. Do not lie or misrepresent.
This is rule #1 for a reason. Following this rule will instantly cut through the majority of the bull that you will deal with. Are you 5’8″? Don’t put 5’10”. Have a cute picture of yourself 3 years and 10 lbs. ago? Don’t use it and take a current picture. I understand that you want to get the most messages possible but if you lie about these things, then you’re setting a very bad precedent for any dates that you get. Not only that, but do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t like you as you are? Be truthful about things.
Also, your profile has to sound like you. Keep the language similar to how you normally speak/type. Don’t upsell yourself by employing supererogatory verbiage. See? You come off as pompous and worst case, pretty dumb if you use the words wrong. You want to give people the chance to know you as you are. Don’t take that opportunity away from them.
2. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
This is probably the one rule that blows people’s minds the most. It sounds weird, but you want to represent yourself in the best light possible to the kind of person that you’re looking for. These profiles aren’t about writing pages and pages talking about yourself, but they’re about presenting yourself in a way that attracts your type. Now, it sounds like this could contradict rule #1 but you still should never lie or misrepresent yourself.
But say that your idea of a perfect relationship/date is waking up in a tent or sipping hot cocoa snuggling around a campfire, then you should talk about how you like hiking or camping. There should be pictures of you on a trail of some sort. Looking for a perpetual player #2? Talk about your game collection. Take a funny picture with your best gaming paraphernalia (extra points if it’s a Zelda shield). Everyone has a type of person that they want. Think about what you want in a relationship and tailor your profile to make it irresistible to that person (just remember, don’t lie!)
3. Keep it short.
I know you’re an interesting and unique snowflake but no one is going to read a novel about you. This is the internet so people’s attention spans are very short. At most, there should be two paragraphs per section. You don’t want to seem too full of yourself. Plus, you want to have something to talk about when you go on your date. Don’t put it all out there.
4. Lead them on.
Here’s another one that blows people’s minds. You need to leave an open question or an obvious way in of some sort. That way, people who like you have an instant way to start a conversation with you or an opening line to send a message to you. Ending your profile in a cutesy “If you’re interested in me, send me a message ;D” does absolutely nothing. Most people don’t want to just send a plain “hey, how are you” so give them a chance to ask something.
A good example would be like going on a rant about something. Nothing too hardcore but some of the best bonding is done over something you hate. Mutual hate can be just as good, if not better than a shared interest. Or, take an extremely weird picture that just begs people to ask what the hell is going on. Or, challenge them to something innocuous like beating your Candy Crush score on level 65 (fuck that level).
5. Have good pictures.
Have a good clear face picture. Preferably of you smiling. This picture should be recent and fairly representational of how you look. You don’t want to go on a date and have a person go “hmmm, alright…”
Other than that, in my opinion, the other pictures you definitely need are: a shot of you doing one of your hobbies (this shows you have a life), a picture of you doing something with your friends (this shows you are at least socially competent), and a shot of you doing something cool/interesting/weird (this is a picture to start conversation about).
I know it can be difficult to get pictures but you can go on a picture taking spree with a group of your friends for a day. Go out to a fair or the beach. It can be a fun, stupid way to spend an afternoon. Plus, you get to have a second pair of eyes to decide on which pictures are flattering and representative of yourself. Just try not to overdo the Instagram filters.
6. Do not use empty words. Say something.
Avoid words like “down to earth”, funny, simple, professional, romantic, and witty. Avoid them like a Sudowoodo and that infernal Wailmer pail. The reasoning behind this is because they don’t really say something. They’re used so often that they paint you as really boring. If you’re funny or witty, actually demonstrate it with your profile. Don’t take the easy way out. If you’re a guy that likes simple things, demonstrate it or talk about things you enjoy.
God help your lonely soul if you say you like walks on the beach.
Also, put effort into writing a profile even if your feelings are “I hate writing about myself, I have nothing to say about myself.” This shows that you want to put work into things and that you are not above it all.
7. Don’t be a dick.
If you write no blacks/asians or MASC4MASC, you deserve to be alone. Everyone has preferences, don’t be a dick about yours.
A lot of the times, reading profiles are kind of like reading resumes. You find someone cute looking and you read their profile looking for a reason to say no. There are obvious big negatives and red flags like racism or liking Twilight but a subtler one is bad spelling and bad grammar. If it’s in your personality to not get all of those right, then by all means, keep it as is but try to make it less egregious and offensive. Misspelled words and poor grammar are often a pet peeve of many people. Don’t give them a reason to say no to you.
9. Ask friends to look at it.
These guys know you best and can tell you what your best qualities are and whether or not the profile is representational of you. It always helps to have people who care about you, help you out.
Hopefully this helps! Next article, I’ll try to explain what to do when you get the messages.
Good luck finding that certain someone out there.
Want advice on relationship problems? Have a question for Dr. Gay Nerd? Send an email at: askdrgaynerd( at )gay( dash )nerds( dot )com (just make sure you replace the words and parentheses with the correct punctuation).
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Tags: ask dr. gay nerd, dating, dating profiles, gay dating, online dating