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Stop Being a Sheep Scott Pilgrim

April 1, 2011 Comments (28) Views: 4048 April Fools, Film

Stop Being a Sheep: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

The only thing worse than the mainstream movie industry trying to pass off a film filled with Coke-Cola ads and pop culture references as indie is taking something with actual underground street cred…and transforming it into a film filled with Coke-Cola ads and pop culture references. Sold to the sheeple masses as a genuine underground phenomenon, which of course means it sucks, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World took a mediocre graphic novel series thats only redeeming quality was the fact that no one knew about it, and completely ruined it. But I was promised a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon if I wrote this, so I’m willing to dip my toes in the mainstream for a few minutes. You guys owe me.

Scott Pilgrim Comic Panel

No.

The yawn inducing story draws out the same old Boy meets Girl, Boy stalks Girl, Boy dates Girl, Boy murders everyone that has ever touched Girl before, Boy abandons all his friends and generic sounding band to be with Girl – story that Hollywood insists on cramming down our throats every year. No clever social commentary on the masochistic relationship slavery women impose on men or the evils of actually making money from playing music or anything.

Instead, most of the film’s runtime gets clogged with visual jokes and fight scenes referencing meatheaded video games. Characters fly through the air, scoring points for landing blows, and even return from the dead after earning an extra life. Come on, isn’t it bad enough that video game tripe fill television commercials and magazines? (Though, since I neither watch television or read magazines, I can only assume that things I don’t like are shown in them. And since I’m always right, this must be the case.)

Scott Pilgrim Game Screen

The fascist coporations even made a game to soak up more of the sheeple's money and time. Gross.

The only thing this movie did well was portray the evil nature of homosexuals. Girl’s female ex proves the ugly lesbian myth to be anything but, and Boy’s promiscuous roommate shows one of the most accurate examples of the way gays prey on straight men and turn them to sin. No, I couldn’t be bothered to find their names. Why waste the effort on this popular crap?

Somehow, the movie itself pales in comparison to how pedestrian and lame the soundtrack turned out. Despite the fact that the movie is about underground bands, the song choices fell into incredibly dull punk rock wanna-be’s and a washed up Scientologist, Beck. Vocal tracks drag on in long whining tones that haven’t been cool since 1995, and the drum beats could switch out between almost every song without anyone noticing. Wow, snare drum rolls as fills between every verse. Never heard that before. *snort*

Scott Pilgrim Main Cast

Look at those poseurs, pretending to get what being indie is all about. *shakes head in disgust*

And please, turn off the distortion. We get it. You think you are hardcore rock and roll. Now stop and go back to playing the Blink-182 covers you practice every day to impress the mindless peons that you call fans.

Recommendation: If you still think video games and alternative/punk rock are cool, then you will probably eat this tripe with a side serving of Urban Outfitters. Now where’s my damn Pabst?

Talk about this tired film in the forums. I guess. If you want. [but do note this was an April Fools article]

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