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March 28, 2011 Comments (0) Views: 5455 Advice, Forum

Ask Dr. Gay Nerd: What Do I Look For In a Partner?

Ask Dr. Gay Nerd advice

Dear Dr. Gay Nerd,
I am a lonely gamer and want to have a boyfriend, don’t we all, but the main issue I’m running into is I’m not sure what it is that I am looking for in a partner. How can I find out what it is I’m looking for then look for him?
-Unsure Furry

My Unsure Friend~
A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to date someone who was taller than me, was familiar with literature, worked a job that paid a salary (as compared to an hourly wage), knew how to cook, could arrange Materia better than I could, and who was preferably blond.  After a little searching, I actually found someone who fit all of these criteria.  And it ended up being the worst month of dating that I’ve ever lived through.

Finding the Perfect Guy

If you sit around waiting for this forever... you'll never find it.

On the other hand, the guy I dated who was shorter than me, had a dark complexion, ate fast food every day, never read a book, worked at a gas station, and who’s video game experience was limited to Guitar Hero ended up being one of the favorite boyfriends that I’ve ever had.  Moral of the story?  Even when you know what you’re looking for, you’re probably wrong.
I’ve personally learned to stop looking for what I definitively want in a partner because not only may it end up not manifesting in a way that I hope for, but it denies me the chance to explore new interests, activities, and skills.  I got a lot more out of the relationship with gas station boy because I was open to new experiences than I did with the guy who was perfect for me on paper.
That doesn’t necessarily mean, however, that you should date just anyone who comes along.  I don’t look for things that a person needs to have when I’m considering dating them, but there are qualities that they definitely can’t have.  Personally, I won’t date someone who votes Republican, thinks the world is only 6,000 years old, isn’t out of the closet, doesn’t eat vegetables, and who bites their own toenails.  And even then, I’m kinda flexible (except for the toenails part.)
What I’m trying to say is that when you meet someone who is interesting to you, go out on a date with them.  Take things really slowly and you’ll slowly start to discover what you like in a partner and what you won’t be able to tolerate.  Remain flexible and just enjoy the people you’re with for who they are.  Keep doing this and you’ll hopefully soon find someone who you like being with and who likes being with you.
Now, this advice applies to any dating scenario.  If, by your suggestive name of “Unsure Furry,” you were looking for specific advice for dating in the Furry and/or Bear communities, I am afraid that I don’t have much experience there.  The best I can do is encourage you to find online communities dedicated to furries and bears where you may be able to find more guidance.  However, I still think that these general guidelines would apply for any dating situation you may find yourself in.  Good luck!
– Dr. Gay Nerd
Have a question for Dr. Gay Nerd?  Send an email at: askdrgaynerd( at )gay( dash )nerds( dot )com (just make sure  you replace the words and parentheses with the correct punctuation).
Agree or disagree? Discuss this week’s topic with the other gay and lesbian nerds in the forums!

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