Dear Dr. Gay Nerd,
I’m about to move out from my parent’s house to a new place with a few friends. I’m really excited except for one thing, I have this straight friend and he is really cool and, well, I’m madly in love with him .-. . Now guess who is also going to live in this new place? Yep, him. I really don’t know what to do, at first I tought he was just cute and whatever, then we started doing stuff together (with other people) and I realized what a great guy he was (he likes games, and drinking, and he’s fun, argh)… It’s been really making me sad but I can’t not move out or just stay away from him (he’s on my class). Should I tell him and risk our friendship, should I just stay quiet and hope it goes away?
Unless there’s more to this story beneath the surface (and I don’t think there is), you already know how it’s going to end. He’s straight and that’s not something which really changes. Sure, there are some people who are openly fluid with their sexuality, but unlike gay fiction would lead you to believe, that’s relatively rare to find. You haven’t indicated that he’s being suggestive in the least, so unless he’s giving you some signs that maybe he might be secretly interested, this isn’t something I would put any hope in.
I’m assuming that he knows you’re gay. The impression I’m gathering from your letter is that you’re out. Therefore, the fact that he knows you’re gay and still spends time with you, in itself, will have to be enough. I know that it’s not even close to what you really want, but even this isn’t something which usually happens all over the world. He sounds like a great guy, but you can’t invest yourself into a fantasy which isn’t going to happen. Trust me, I know this from experience. I, myself, spent far too long waiting for a straight guy to magically come out of the closet.
Sure, telling him how you really feel is honest, but you have to stop and ask yourself what this honesty is going to accomplish. You’ll make things awkward, not only between the two of you as friends, but between the two of you as roommates. That isn’t going to make for a great living environment and you’re going to lose someone who’s become a great friend to you. Not saying anything at all and just dealing with your feelings really is for the best here, as much as it sucks.
Time heals everything, that really is true. Don’t let yourself pine for him and when you catch yourself thinking about him, stop yourself. After a little while, you’ll find yourself getting over it and probably becoming interested in another guy, hopefully one who you do have a chance with! Yeah, this one would be nice, but it’s just not in the cards, Tony. So unless he starts giving you indication that maybe he is interested, it’s best to just walk away.
-Dr. Gay Nerd
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