Dear Dr. Gay Nerd-
I’m kind of a shy, quiet guy. I’ve got my group of friends who I’m social with, but I’m not the most outgoing person with others. Lately, there’s been this boy at work who’s been pretty flirty with me. He’s pretty cute although he’s not really the type of guy I’ve gone on dates with before. I just can’t figure out why he’s been flirting with me. We’re friendly enough at work and we got along just fine until about a few weeks ago when I noticed that he was flirting with me.
I’m not really used to people flirting with me and I don’t think I’m responding all that well. I just get pretty awkward and I clam up. We’re not joking around as much as we used to because I don’t know how to be flirty back with him. He’s still being really nice and kinda flirty even though I’ve been kind of acting like an asshole. I need your help, Dr. Gay Nerd. I don’t want to push this cute guy away because I don’t know how to flirt with him. What should I do?
-I Wish I Had Cloud’s Hair
Dear Cloud’s Hair-
I understand your pain. Flirting can be one of the most difficult things in the world. I used to be an incredibly awkward flirter and I certainly still have my moments. The thing that I think I’ve come to realize is that flirting is all about confidence levels and presentation. You know that this guy is flirting with you, but what exactly is he doing to be flirty? It’s all about the way he’s saying it and the intention in his voice. The actual words that he’s saying, when you really examine them, are probably not all that suggestive. (Unless, of course, they are. But that’s another game entirely.)
My own independent study has led me to believe that what they say is true, confidence is the sexiest quality that someone can have. Everyone on this Earth has insecurities and fear, but the person who is able to overcome their fear of rejection, smile, blink slowly, and say, “I really like your eyes,” becomes incredibly attractive. Being shy can be adorable, for sure. But at some point, even those shy people need to take a leap and take a chance by putting themselves out there.
The good thing, according to your submission, is that this guy still seems to be into you even though you’ve been freezing up when he’s acting flirtatious. This means that he’s still on the hook and you still have a chance to turn your game around. You’re just going to need to work up the balls to do this.
Next time he says something flirty, smile back at him and say something along the lines of, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Obviously, the exact retort is going to need to vary based on what it is that he says, but the spirit of the response should be the same. It’s an invitation for him to get to know you a little better. The important part is that you smile at him while you do it. That’s going to take you quite a long way.
Or you could just take matters into your own hands and just directly ask him out. “You want to go get coffee after work?” or “How about dinner next time we’re both off?” You’ll catch him off guard by asking him out and that could work in your favor. Show him that you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve. That’ll keep you fresh and exciting and should make him even more interested in you. Sure, it will probably be the scariest thing you’ve done in your life up until now, but it could also give you the greatest
reward that you’ve ever gotten. That’s the thing. You’ll never get anything you want in life unless you take some risks to go after it.
I don’t know how much advice I can give on flirting through a simple article, except to reconfirm that confidence is the sexiest quality you can have. This guy seems to be into you, so just go with the flow. Let yourself relax, don’t overthink the situation, and don’t put pressure on yourself to be whoever you aren’t. If he’s into you, it’s for the guy he’s already met and likes. Just be that guy, show some interest, and let things play out. You can do this.
-Dr. Gay Nerd
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