Dear Dr. Gay Nerd,

Sometimes, it feels like I’m the only gay guy in my town. And when I do find gay guys, we hardly have anything in common. Will I ever find someone?

Prince Peach Stuck in his Castle

Dear Prince Peach,

Oh Jeez, this one is a doozy. I know statistically it sucks – let’s get that out of the way – but all is not hopeless, little gayling. First off, this is what you have to do. Get on Craigslist, post under M4M and say you’re straight but you would like to experi… Just kidding! Really though, there’s a lot you can do to meet guys. You just need to be a bit more outgoing and less shy.  It may seem like you’re the only gay person in your town, but that’s impossible. They say 10% of the population is gay, and out of everything “they” say, this one I’m most willing to believe you’re not the only gay person in your town, you’re just the only one you know. The solution: meet more people in general!

If you go to college, expand your social circle by attending school events and club events. If you want to find a gay nerd, think like a nerd and hang out where other nerds are. Like anime? Join the anime club and make friends there. Network. Chances are, a friend will probably know someone who’s just like you. The larger your social circle, the better the odds. Worst case scenario? You’ve made new friends.  You can also try the local LGBT center or college LGBT center as well. There is usually at least one in every major metropolitan area.  Even smaller towns and most colleges have a center as well. Ask what events they have and go to ones that sound interesting to you.

Even if you don’t attend school, expanding your social circle is always the best first step in bagging a guy.  Is there a place you’ve been wanting to visit, but haven’t had the balls to go?  Jump in.  Being less reserved in simple areas like going to a movie, coffee shop, or club alone will give you more confidence, boost your ego, and therefore make you look more attractive to prospective suitors.  And if that’s a little too daunting, you can at least start with bringing along friends as wingmen.

There is also internet dating. I know I was making fun of craigslist earlier but try legit dating sites. There’s nothing wrong with using them. After all, our odds suck so we have to even them out somehow. Besides, a lot of relationships nowadays start online.  If that sounds too crazy for you, look at the forums and websites that you already browse to see if they have dating sections or if you’ve put yourself out there in your own profile.

We’re gay, so even if you’re not closeted (and especially since you live in a a small town) you need to be proactive about your search.  Most everyone stands around, staring down their crushes in an attempt to telepathically contact them.  Break the mold and go after what you want.  All that said, you’ll only be an appealing mate if you’re confident.  So don’t let yourself radiate desperation.

Good luck with your man hunting!

-Dr. Gay Nerd

Have a question for the doctor? E-mail: askdrgaynerd<at>gay-nerds.com

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Tags: advice, ask dr. gay nerd, finding gay guys, gay nerd dating