Here’s a new weekly feature where we take reader questions and offer advice and a new perspective on things! Unload your relationship woes and let the doctor handle this.
Dear Dr. Gay Nerd,
I’m a gay lady. I’m perfectly fine with being a gay lady–no issues with identity or with my parents–but my problem is that I tend to mostly hang out with guys. I just find that it’s typically men who share my interests. I like having guy friends, but sometimes a certain guy friend will start to like me. Like like me. I’m already out to my friends, so that’s not an issue, but I need some advice on how to address my male friend’s feelings for me. Do I talk to him or just ignore it? Alternatively, am I just blowing things out of proportion? Is this even an issue at all?
Dear Lady Lover,
Dealing with a friend who wants more than a friendship is certainly rough and I have been on both sides of this situation. One thing you need to keep in mind is that these are his feelings and that, no matter what you do, you may not be able to change them. With that in mind, the best thing to do is talk to your friend. Just let him know that no matter what, anything beyond a friendship just isn’t a possibility. If he truly understands, then he might realize that developing feelings for you won’t be healthy and perhaps he will back off.
If things don’t begin to improve after talking to your friend, and his feelings are causing you stress, then it might be time to take a break from the friendship. I understand that you may feel guilty about needing space, but once again these are his feelings and you can’t change them. Besides, taking a break might be exactly what is needed for your friend to move past these affections towards you. His feelings for you aren’t healthy for either of you, and what’s best for you may just be what’s best for him too.
-Dr Gay Nerd.
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