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March 20, 2011 Comments (0) Views: 5221 Advice, Forum

Ask Dr. Gay Nerd: How is Dating Supposed to Feel?

Ask Dr. Gay Nerd advice
Dear Dr. Gay Nerd,
I am currently not in a relationship, nor have I been. Most of the time, I am not really too hampered by it. It would be nice to have someone to use that extra dusty Wiimote or be my support mage during Larp season, but it is not something I felt I deeply needed.  But as time goes by, I feel more & more pressured to get with someone.  Being nerdy, my friends typically were the asexual type–not by choice.  But they have seemed to blossom in dating machines as each of them got a pretty (or sort of pretty) thing on their arms. At the angst of my friends, I went on a couple of dates & did a couple of things with a few guys, but I felt guilty. I felt like dating guys just to get a boyfriend was heartless–like I just looking for someone to feel in a role rather than a truly heartfelt search for someone to put a ring.  Is that how dating is supposed to feel? Am I just over-thinking it?
-I’m Happy Alone

Dear Happy-

Not How First Dates Go

This isn't going to happen spontaneously. It takes time.

Dating is something that a lot of people do out of habit.  I know a lot of people, personally, who don’t really want to be bothered with meeting new people and going through all the motions, but who continue to do it anyway because they can’t think of anything better to do on a Friday night.  With this mindset, however, they don’t end up meeting anyone and they only end up being more listless and frustrated than before, since they feel like they’re wasting their time.
I don’t think there’s much point in dating unless you’re feeling into it and you want to meet someone.  Otherwise, you’re just going to think that you’re wasting your time.  You sound like you’re content being alone right now, considering that you’re dating just to appease “the angst of your friends.”  Going into a date thinking that will probably just make it go poorly because you’ve decided that this is stupid.  You won’t be ready to make a connection and your date probably won’t have the greatest time either.
What dating is good for, however, is giving you the chance to meet new people, even if they only end up being new friends.  You never know who you might meet that could give you great new interests or experiences.  If you approach dating as less of a “boyfriend audition” and allow it to just be a chance to interact with some new faces, you might get a lot more out of it.  But only do this because you want to.  If you feel like you “have” to date, you won’t get much out of the experience besides a sour taste in your mouth.
Hope this helps!
Dr. Gay Nerd
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