Nerdgasm: Jem

I remember back in the day when Saturday morning cartoons were a necessary ritual. You would actually want to wake up early on a Saturday. You’d plop yourself in front of the TV, and nom on some Fruity Pebbles then spend a couple of hours watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, GI Joe, Talespin and Chip n’ Dale Rescue Rangers.
And then, there was Jem.

jem gay nerds
Sup, bitches!

Y’know, as a little boy, I knew I should have hated it. It was masculine taboo, male verboten, a testicular anathema, but I couldn’t help but be transfixed by it. I found myself half-heartedly fighting over the remote with my sisters and saying “Ew, Jem,” but really, I freaking loved her.
I would just sit there watching and be enamored with the pop starlet’s adventures. Between her band, their rivalry with the Misfits (no, the Stingers don’t count) and all sorts of snafus, and her secret identity, there was plenty of drama to go around. Not to mention that everything was just so damn shiny and pretty and the music was catchy as hell.

A bit narcissistic but that song will bore its way into your skull and never leave

Sure, it was over the top, their heads were strangely proportioned and would shrink randomly but I would repeatedly find myself tuning in. It was one of the rare shows as a kid that actually had multiple and nuanced story arcs and a continuum, as opposed to the self-contained, episodic adventures of most cartoons at that time.
And call me an optimist/sucker for happy endings but I miss the kind of cartoon that Jem was. The kind of cartoon where the characters all had ambition and were all aiming for something huge and it would show them working hard (of course through a musical montage), going through the motions and eventually getting what they worked hard for. And now we have what, Spongebob Squarepants whose only aspiration is to be a fast food worker? Also…

hannah montana miley cyrus
HRMMMM, a normal girl leading a double life as a pop starlet and trying to balance her personal life? Sounds familiar. Sorry, current generation but you guys got screwed over.

And that’s pretty much why I nerdgasm/gaygasm at Jem.
P.S. the Misfits songs really were better.

Nerd out in the forums!