A few weeks ago, I’m sitting in the cinema watching Sex and the City 2 (don’t judge me!), and I think about expanding Girl On the Internet to cover things that happen to me offline. A kind of proof that I have a life beyond my computer. A real life. In real life. Like a Girl In Real Life.
G.I.R.L! I’m brilliant!
- And I have great taste in films
Hefty Hefty Hefty! Wimpy Wimpy Wimpy.
Of course, the more internet-savvy among you will know that GIRL is already an acronym meaning Guy In Real Life. It’s used when males choose to play as female avatars, and I guess it’s supposed to be an insult or a warning or something. Having had my hopes of co-opting the term GIRL dashed, I’ve decided instead to write about my experiences with the GIRLs of the internet. Now, before I start ragging on suckas, I’d just like to point out that I have no problem with guys playing as female characters. I, a sexy Woman In Real Life (WIRL), have been known to create the occasional male character for games. I remember starting Morrowind as a female Bosmer, and I never thought she looked opposing in her armour.
And that's because I want her muffin top.
No, my problem is with guys pretending to be girls online in hopes of tricking other guys into giving them stuff. Really though, I don’t understand why some men (or boys) feel the need to shower random, vaguely female pixels with gifts in the hopes of getting…laid? I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s not surprising to see some people exploiting an unfair system. This isn’t just a problem with a few jerks; it’s a problem indicative of the whole idea that girls who play video games are rare and magical creatures who frighten easily and therefore must be tempted away from their fairy glens with armor upgrades and silver coin. Or something. Not that we ladies aren’t to blame a little. As far as I’m concerned, Jenna Maroney is the only lady who can get away with using her sexuality to help her scheming.
In my travels on the internet, I’ve encountered a lot of guys pretending not only to be women but lesbians as well. I call them FLAMEs (Fake Lesbian Annoying My Egret…it’s a work in progress) because I hate them so… much, it–it… the f–, it–flame… flames… flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath… heaving breaths… heaving!
Also, they annoy my egret.
I suppose that at one point in time it was easy to be a FLAME and have hot textual relations with…well, probably other FLAMEs. Nowadays, we have cams and voice chat and all sorts of social networking sites design to make sure that the person we’re masturbating on the phone with is who they claim to be. FLAMEs never want to chat on the phone. Oh, and their webcam broke the other day so that’s out too. No, they don’t have a Facebook or a Myspace. Umm…but don’t let that stop you from sending them nude pictures of yourself!
Once again, I open up the discussion to you, dear reader. Have you ever encountered a GIRL or a FLAME? Have you ever been one? Join the discussion in the forums.
Tags: egrets, flames, girl, Girl On the Internet, GOTI, internet, sex and the city
