Author: Tuck

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Nerdgasm: Phoenix in Marvel vs Capcom 3

Arise from your grave!
Hi, my name is Tuck and I nerdgasmed when Phoenix was announced for Marvel vs Capcom 3.
It’s not an easy admission to make given the amount of enmity that most people harbor towards my favorite red-headed superhero. The origins of this ill-will are nebulous at best. Repeated deaths aren’t so much a strike against her character as an entry on her curriculum vitae that she shares with most modern superheroes. And let’s be honest, she hasn’t died that many times. Twice. Three times at most. Magneto has that many retconned deaths every week.
Let’s ignore the haters for now and focus on what makes her an awesome addition to the already stellar lineup of MvC3.

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Under the Microscope: Parasite Eve

The Parasite Eve logo was really classy, even compared to Squaresoft's other games.

In 1998, Squaresoft (now Square Enix) released Parasite Eve, a curious blending of elements from RPGs and survival horror games that were all the rage at the time. It’s frequently remembered for the portrayal of its main character, Aya Brea, a tough-as-nails NYPD detective and the unparalleled opening act where the audience at an opera mysteriously bursts into flames.
The most memorable aspect of the game to me though is its convoluted sci-fi storyline. The antagonist, Eve, is granted her powers by her mitochondria, which have decided to rebel and break free of their human masters. She has the ability to mutate on command in the glorious tradition of biology-gone-wrong videogame monsters and even has control over the mitochondria of others. But how plausible are the things that are presented in the game? Now that I’m a real, grown-up scientist, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane and try to figure that out.

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Movie Night!: The Man with the Smallest Penis in Existence…

paranoia, Bloodie Strawberries and I sat down to watch a short with the unforgettable title of The Man with the Smallest Penis in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him. I didn’t quite know what to expect. Was this a simple porno? An exploration of society’s obsession with penile size? An awkwardly named documentary about electron microscopy’s many contributions to society? Let’s find out. (Warning: NSFW)
bloodie: -.- Homos
paranoia: You’re a homo
bloodie: I am not the one with the obsession with tiny dicks & human centipedes -.-
tuck: Both perfectly healthy interests. Ok children, shall we start?
paranoia: In 3, 2, 1.
paranoia: …WTF?
bloodie: OMG

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Are They or Aren’t They?: Oerba Yun Fang and Oerba Dia Vanille

Fang guarding Vanille from Hecatonchier

Since entry number seven, the Final Fantasy series has been the poster child for pretty, androgynous boys in jRPGs. I don’t know when it was but videogame critics decided they had to mention how androgynous the male characters were every single time the series was brought up. Ironically, the official art by Yoshitaka Amano for the games prior to FFVII (which is when most of this “FF males=girls” nonsense started) is a lot more similar style-wise with the Yaoi/Boys’ Love genre (side note: Amano’s version of Zidane is positively beautiful). It’s usually the men in the series who mess around with the gender lines, at least by Western standards.
The women of Final Fantasy are a lot more gender-typical in their presentation. Partly this is a consequence of the requirement that most of them take on the role of love interest. Final Fantasy XIII freed its female characters by: (1) making the main character a woman uninterested in romance and (2) outsourcing the love interest duties to her younger sister, who’s thankfully MIA for most of the game. The men in your party are either taken, tragically widowed or twelve. Of the six permanent party members, Fang and Vanille remain romantically unaccounted for. So what are two hot-blooded young women like them to do? Hook up with each other perhaps? Let’s find out.
Note: Spoilers ahead!